US Department Of ZOMBIE REMOVAL
United States stimulus funding being used where it’s needed most, “US Department Of ZOMBIE REMOVAL” After constant ZOMBIE ATTACKS the American government has started up a New department whose mandate is to remove all Zombie and Undead Threats from continental USA. Us Canadians have to settle for Drunk vigilante groups weilding hockey sticks.
Zombies Have Right To Free Speech
Minneapolis Appeals Court Rules Zombies Have Right To Free Speech. In this landmark ruling Zombies have been given the same rights as the living. Next up for Zombie rights is undead/living marriages. We’ve already seen Zombie Porn.
A group of protestors disguised as zombies went to a shopping mall to protest against mass consumerism and how it’s endangering American culture, Future and the environment. Participates in the protest had white makeup on their face with black circles under their eyes and were covered in blood.
They slowly shambled down the halls moaning and saying that consumers are acting like ZOMBIES. The protest was peaceful but the police did arrest seven of them, holding them in jail for 2 nights. (I guess to make sure they weren’t real Zombies ) The protesters sued the state claiming They false imprisonment. The appeals court overturned a lower court finding dismissing the case, saying there was no reason to imprison them for “dressing like zombies, and walking erratically in downtown Minneapolis.” A three-judge panel of the court ruled 2-1 that police lacked probable cause to arrest the group.
Jordan Kushner, the zombie group’s attorney had this to say:
“They recognized my clients’ rights in this case, that this is really an outrageous violation of free expression,” he said. “They were trying to make a very thoughtful political statement and the police came up with these bogus reasons to arrest them for it and put them in jail.”