4 Steps To Surviving a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

by on Mar.13, 2010, under Humor

Numero quattro ARM UP
You need weapons to push back the hordes. Doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it maximizes kills and minimizes noise. Guns have an obvious advantage when it comes to their damage output but unfortunately unless they have noise suppression they are going to make a fuck load of noise and attract every zombie in the vicinity. Melee weapons are great in the noise department and can do brutal damage. The problem is there effectiveness is tied to the strength of the individual using them. Eventually the user gets tired swinging a weapon and pushing away the dead. Therefore your best bet is melee for small group of zombies and guns for large groups since you’re fucked already and the more zombies you attract the more gore you get to witness.

winchester Zombie Gun

Numero tre Wall up
First thing you’re going to need to do is seal entrances including windows and doors, make sure there is a escape route left just in case theres a breach. Ideally you want a 2 story building so you can blow out the stairs to the second floor and prevent any zombie form coming up. After securing a area you’ll need to normalize your settings by establishing a designate sleeping/ eating area and getting organized. Once you know your dwellings are safe you can get a good nights rest and move on to the next phase Stocking up on supplies.

land of the dead

Numero due Stock up
Unless your lucky enough to be trapped in a canned food and bottled water warehouse you’re eventually going to start running out of supplies. This means you have to go out into the infested wilds and collect food, water, medicine and energy. Your best bet is start rationing food then you can send out teams to collect the needed supplies. Make sure you don’t let your supplies drop too low, you want to let them last for several weeks just in case the shit hits the fan and you need to dig in. Once you have a stockpile of supplies you have the luxury of moving to the final phase Nutting Up.
dawn of the dead

Numero Uno Nut up
This encompasses long term survival strategies; planting crops for food, establishing communication with other survivors, building more permanent structures and creating a new generation of little ones. Hopefully once you get to this phase things have quieted down and theres few hordes of the dead roaming the streets. Beware of other humans like marauding biker gangs, and AWOL ex military they could still threaten your survival but if everything is fine than nut up and start making babies. Someone will have to look after you when your old.
Zombie Hump

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1 Comment for this entry

  • +2 Vote -1 Vote +1sue

    LOL funny write up. I don’t know about the other girls but i woulnd’t want to have any kids in the event of a Zombie War! especially if theirs no nurse, docotr or midwife around.

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